


Two can play at that game

by LetMePukeInYourMouthEm, RIPCathysCat (LetMePukeInYourMouthEm)



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Am i okay? Like what is wrong with me?, F/M, i worry for my mental stability sometimes, where the hell do i get these ideas?, zoey is an utter psychopath in this and i don't know why i chose that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22458673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetMePukeInYourMouthEm/pseuds/LetMePukeInYourMouthEm, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetMePukeInYourMouthEm/pseuds/RIPCathysCat
Summary: Zoey catches word about Sam's wife and takes the rational, sane, not-psychopathic-at-all approach: Fake an identity, land a job at Charlotte's workplace and totally not stalk her. Problem is, most of the people there are Beanie's regulars. But she's in character, they won't recognize her. Right?
Relationships: Charlotte/Sam (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Charlotte/Ted (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, Sam/Zoey (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Zoey slipped the false glasses onto her face and looked at herself in her phone's camera. Wow, she looked like an entirely different person... who just so happened to bear a striking resemblance to the bitchy barista from the coffeeshop a block down the road, just out of uniform. But that's just because she was looking for the similarities between the two. Nobody else knew that "Melissa" was really just her with a blazer and non-prescription glasses. Nobody else would recognize her.

It wasn't psychopathic, she thought. Was it bitchy and melodramatic? Yeah, but she was a theatre kid. It was her job, though maybe this was a little much. Was it catty and immoral? Sure, but if Sam was going to be two-faced, well, two could play at that game. Was it stunts like this that had ended all her other past relationships? Totally, but Sam didn't seem too invested in keeping theirs alive, either. Was it overcomplicating something that could be handled just as well, if not better, with a confrontation with him? Absolutely, but where's the fun in that? It might have been all of those things, but it wasn't psychopathic. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. 

She had needed a second job, anyway, and customer service was a hellhole she didn't want to trap herself in for double the time. This paid pretty well, and, hey, she could wear pretty much whatever she wanted as a secretary at CCRP. She had breezed through the interview, answering every question the way she had decided Melissa would have. Her interviewer, Mr. Davidson (who looked simultaneously like he was about to give her a puppy and slaughter one in front of her- maybe she wasn't going to be the only psycho in the office), and her character seemed to agree on everything... what a coincidence. She practically had the job the second she had walked into the interview. 

Zoey got off the bus and made the short walk to the office, getting into character. As she stepped out of the elevator and onto the third floor, she heard a sickeningly familiar voice. Ugh. She forced herself not to groan as she turned to see the asshole with the terrible Borat impression and the consistent order of "a chai iced tea and a taste of you, hot stuff" bothering two of his coworkers. A closer look at the others identified them as the soft-spoken man who always got a caramel frappe and Paul. Emma's boyfriend. The others might not recognize her, but he probably would, with how much time he spent at Beanie's. To be fair, though, she was pretty sure he didn't know Nora's name, so it wasn't unreasonable to assume that she was just "Emma's bitchy manager" or "the insufferable theatre kid barista" in his eyes.

She didn't see anyone else, and she didn't really know her way around the office, so she would need to ask one of them. She figured her best shot was Caramel Frappe, so she walked up and gently tapped his shoulder to get his attention. "Excuse me, sir," she said in the same quiet, shy voice she had used for Melissa during the interview. "Can you please-"

"Hey, you're the new PA Mr. Davidson keeps mentioning, aren't you?" Iced Chai asked, interrupting her. "It's Melissa, right?"

"Um, yes. I-"

"Not too shabby," he chuckled, resting his elbow on Paul's head. 

"Dude, she's like 15," Paul groaned. She was glad he was too focused on the sleazeball to recognize her.

"Well, 23, but-"

"Sorry about him, he's a huge dick sometimes," he sighed, pushing his coworker's arm off of him. Were they ever going to let her talk? "So, uh... Melissa, was it?" 

"Yes, I-"

"Oh, hey, Char," Iced Chai interrupted, calling to someone else behind her. 

Zoey turned to see who must have been the woman herself getting off the elevator. Charlotte. Sam's wife. In her hand was a Beanie's cup. God, she had probably made a million drinks for this woman without even knowing. She covered the scowl she knew was on her face with a fake cough and smiled at her. "Hello, miss. I'm Melissa, Mr. Davidson's new secretary," she said, extending her hand for a shake. "It's nice to meet you."

"Oh! It's nice to meet you, too. I'm Charlotte, you don't need to call me 'miss.'" As she shook Zoey's hand, she could feel the cold metal of her wedding band. Ugh. This was going to be fun. 


	2. Chapter 2

Zoey was working a late Beanie's shift and looked up at the jingle of the bell to see Iced Chai– she knew their names now, but Ted and Bill were always going to be "Iced Chai" and "Caramel Frappe" in her mind– and Charlotte walking in. Her favorite people in the world. She smirked, knowing that she was Zoey right now, so she could be as bitchy as she wanted to be. They wouldn't recognize her, she didn't have to pretend to be a timid secretary. "Hi, what can I get for you two today?" 

"Hello," Charlotte smiled shyly. "I'll take a-"

"A caramel frappe for Char," he interrupted, "and for me, a chai iced tea and-"

"'And a taste of you, hot stuff?'" Zoey guessed, rolling her eyes as she drummed her manicured nails on the counter.

"Wow, babe, I didn't know you thought of me like that," he chuckled, resting his elbow on the counter next to her hand.

She quickly pulled it away and scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself. I was being sarcastic."

"Well, anything I can do to change your mind, just give me a c-"

"Ted, please," Charlotte admonished quietly, shrinking behind him.

"Ah, don't worry, Charlie, you're still my girl."

What? 

Charlotte bit her lip and gently pulled on his arm. "Shh, Ted, that's nobody's business."

So Zoey and Sam weren't the only ones with secrets, huh? 

"What are you looking at, coffee chick?" Iced Chai asked, jolting her out of her thoughts.

"Nothing. A caramel frappe and an iced chai, right?" Zoey asked quickly, grabbing two cups. Huh, where'd she heard that order before?

"Um, yes," Charlotte said, a little louder.

"Hey, you've got a really familiar voice," Iced Chai noticed, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I've made your tea every day for, like, a year," she sighed, hiding her nervousness. "Unless that's a setup for another shitty pickup line, in which case, no, I'm not from Tennessee and no, you cannot have my number." 

"No, no, I think I've met you somewhere else."

"Let me guess: your dreams?" She rolled her eyes and groaned, trying to focus her attention on the drinks. "It is a pickup line, isn't it?" 

"I'm being serious, barista babe. What's your name?" 

"Leave her alone, Ted," Charlotte tried.

"Yeah, because nothing says serious like calling someone 'barista babe,'" she said, finishing up with making Charlotte's frappe. "But my name is Zoey, if you must know."

"Zoey, Zoey, Zoey..." He clicked his tongue, lost in thought. "Nope, doesn't ring a bell. You sure that's your name?" 

"Pretty sure, yeah. It's kind of hard to get your own name wrong." 

"Okay, I'm positive I know that voice," he insisted, leaning on Charlotte's shoulder. "Charlie, do you know her?" 

"Um, I don't know, I guess she does look a little familiar," she mumbled.

"It's not such a crazy idea that you've seen me before. Hatchetfield's a small town, and I work only a block from CCRP, so-"

"Wait, how did you know we work at CCRP?" Iced Chai interrupted, trying to turn her attention from his drink.

"You, uh, you must have mentioned it." 

"No, we didn't," Charlotte peeped nervously.

"Your coworker's girlfriend works here," Zoey said quickly, handing him his chai. "That'll be $6.37." 

"Um, okay, then. I'll pay," Charlotte said unsurely, taking a $10 out of her purse. "Keep the change, Zoey."

"Yeah, okay, I'll stay for a song," Iced Chai shrugged, sipping his tea. 

"What?" He pointed to the sign next to the tip jar. "Right, new company policy. Thanks for the tip," she said, just barely stopping herself from rolling her eyes. Thanking Charlotte for anything was not on her to-do list. She sang, switching back and forth from staring Iced Chai and Charlotte directly in the eye. "Was that good enough for you, sleazeball?" 

"Alright, alright, calm down, grinder girl."

"That's pushing it, Chai." 

"Fair. See ya, coffee chick," he called, dragging Charlotte out the door. "Thanks for the drinks!"


End file.
